Being in an abusive relationship can be confusing. Abuse isn’t always obvious. I work with clients to examine their relationships and understand what is and isn’t abuse. Here are just some examples of abusive behaviour in relationships.
Love bombing – giving you an overwhelming amount of attention at the start of the relationship and moving things at a fast pace.
Gaslighting – denying or minimizing events to make you question your memory or perception of things.
Stonewalling – giving you the silent treatment.
Making you feel guilty – punishing you for prioritising the children/spending time with family & friends/focusing on work.
Constantly criticizing or belittling – making you feel like you can’t do anything right or making jokes at your expense and telling you that you’re too sensitive.
Disrupting your sleep - wanting to have conversations late at night or waking you in the early hours with loud noises.
Control disguised as kindness – constantly checking up on you or monitoring movements.
Not celebrating your achievements – success is put down to luck or simply not given the recognition it deserves.
Coercing you into sex – pushing boundaries, making sex transactional, refusing to use contraception, or making you feel guilty for not wanting to participate.
Financial control – taking charge of the finances, taking out loans in your name, giving you limited access to funds, making you feel guilty for spending money on essentials or small treats.
Scare tactics – driving recklessly to frighten you, punching walls, breaking items, or blocking doorways in order to intimidate you.
Threats of self-harm – Threatening to take their own life or harm themselves or others is another way to enforce control.
Physical harm – spitting, hitting, grabbing, burning, shaking, pulling hair, suffocating, scratching, using weapons.
A list of behaviours is not a diagnostic tool. But therapists look for patterns over time. If any of this resonates with you, it’s worth taking it seriously and considering if your relationship is a healthy one.